One thing I love about IFS is that it’s not shaming. IFS allows me (the therapist) to connect with you (the client) where you are, and accept all parts of you as important, valid, and loveable. It helps us to better connect with the wisdom that we all have inside of us. It helps us see ourselves and others more clearly and with compassion.
Internal Family Systems allows us to better understand ourselves and to heal ourselves. Some say it is similar to Inner Child work, but it’s good for many things besides trauma. It can help us improve our relationships, have more compassion for others, and, in some cases, heal the body.
IFS sees our parts as a big family, and seeks to learn more about how these parts operate in ways that help us and sometimes hinder us. By learning more about ourselves we experience a richer life within ourselves as well as improved relationships with others.
Some may say this sounds a little “woo-woo,” and different from many therapies. I know that it is a wonderful healing tool and I am pleased to offer this therapy to my clients. I wouldn’t ask anyone to try anything that I haven’t done myself or that I don’t believe in.
My Level One training was through the IFS Institute where I had the good fortune to be taught by Dick Schwartz and others who have been practicing IFS for decades. I have attended over 90 hours of live teaching and practice, and I have also had my own IFS therapy sessions.
To further explore IFS therapy, check out work by Sacha Mardou, a graphic novelist based in St. Louis, Missouri. Mardou explores therapy and healing through her comics, including her memoir Past Tense, which illustrates her personal journey with family secrets and self-discovery in therapy, offering a unique perspective on IFS therapy through storytelling and art.
Internal family systems therapy, or IFS therapy, is a therapy that Richard Schwartz, Ph.D. created in the 1980s. Internal Family Systems is an evidence-based form of psychotherapy. It states that we have a collection of parts and a core Self and that each part protects other parts and helps us to protect and manage other parts. Our core Self knows what we need to heal, but sometimes it can be hard for us to connect to that Self and heal.
A sub-personality, or part, is a concept used to describe the idea that an individual’s personality is not a singular, unified entity, but rather a complex system made up of various sub-parts, each with its own characteristics, emotions, and roles. In Internal Family Systems, these parts can be thought of as the different “sides” of a person’s personality that emerge in different situations or contexts.
In Internal Family Systems, there are two different types of parts: Exiles and Protectors. These parts form our internal family, or system.
Exiles are formed (often in childhood) when we experience shame, emotional or physical pain, bullying, or trauma (remember, trauma is different for everyone and doesn’t need to be something like going to war). These Exiles are parts of us that are locked away and guarded by our protector parts, in an attempt to keep us from feeling their pain. Protectors don’t think the system can handle the pain of the exiles; however, getting to know these parts, having compassion for them, and helping them heal is the best way to heal ourselves.
There are three types of Protectors:
Protectors try very hard to keep us from being overwhelmed or feeling pain, but they don’t always have the most helpful ways of doing so. They just want to do their job and make sure our system is protected, even if it means we don’t like them and wish they would stop.
The Self is separate from the protectors and exiles, the core of who we are. It is our essential nature—our curious, calm, and compassionate center. In an ideally balanced system, Self would be the one leading all the parts. It would mediate their instincts, care for the exiles, and help the managers and firefighters use their talents to create a harmonious inner life free of conflict.
Sometimes we can feel so overwhelmed by the number of dysregulated parts asking for attention that we lose sight of Self. When that happens, it is as if the Self is the sun behind the clouds (parts), it’s there, but you can’t see it. Self can become so blended with the other parts that it is prevented from fulfilling its role as guide. With IFS we can learn to respectfully separate from these parts and reconnect to Self. When all of the parts feel respected they will learn to trust Self and allow it to lead our system, allowing us to feel more safe and able to grow.
One way to tell if we are in Self is by the Eight Cs or the 5 Ps. Being in Self feels different than being in our parts. Some say they feel lighter, more stable or free. Others note a sense of playfulness, gratitude, or joy. Some feel an expansion in the area of their chest as if their heart is more open. The body may feel lighter, breathing is deeper and smoother. Facial muscles may feel relaxed.
I have more than 30 years of experience helping people. It gives me genuine joy to see someone start to feel better.
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